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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

I’m reading this wonderful, non-fiction book for beginning writers. I mean really, really wonderful. It is going to help so many people who rather desperately need that help in writing their novels.

However.

Yah, you knew that was coming.

No, I’m am not going to talk about using “Wedding Invitation” fonts or any of the other horrible errors in judgement that some people make that cause their book scream “I have NO IDEA what I am Doing!”

This is not at all that sort of issue. This book is a very nearly PERFECT book.

BUT there is an issue, a big knee-capping issue. It is in the compositing of the pages. 

Fact: I used to be a professional proofreader, back in the days when publishers and book manufacturers had composition departments. Every publisher, university, technical book company had what was called “style” standards or even a “signature style”. As in; you could pick up an academic book in a book store and know immediately if it was published by University of California. Just by the font choice and page style.

There are/were books published that delineated these styles. I still have a copy of The Chicago Manual of Style on my own personal bookshelf.

So back to the book. I’m steaming along, loving the way it is written. The voice . . . I’m just loving the voice. It’s like I’m having a conversation with a friend over coffee. A lovely, brutally honest friend who is telling the reality of how to do what I’m thinking about trying to do.

And I hit it. A headline all by itself at the bottom of a page. Its related content all alone at the top of the next page, screaming like an abandoned baby in a stroller that is plummeting down a flight of steps.

I think, this is a mistake – this somehow just got overlooked. She is too good a writer for this to have happened. She would never let that baby text go screaming to its doom in rush hour traffic.

And then it happened again . . . and again, and again. Now I’m screaming inside my head – HOW?

Suddenly it hits me. This is one of those “everyone knows” errors.

This is Victorian three piece salt and pepper service. Salt, Pepper and what?. No One Knows! These things were so ubiquitous that Everyone Knew what the little bowl was for (mustard, relish?), so matter of fact that NO ONE ever wrote down what that third piece was meant to hold!

So now we still have a bunch of these things floating around the houses of those who love antiques but no one knows what is the proper thing to put in the little bowl.

So Why Don’t Any of the Style Books Say “No Headlines at the End of a Page?”

Because Everyone Knew. Everyone knew that leaving a headline or even subhead alone at the end of a page was such a heinously unacceptable thing that no one would allow it.

Back in the day plenty of the contracts/style pages that came in with books would say things like “no widows, no orphans” or “no orphans”. A widow is the first line of a paragraph left alone at the end of a page; even if it was only preceded by another text paragraph. An orphan was the last line of a paragraph falling as the first line of a new page.

I don’t think a contract ever said: “A headline or subhead near the bottom of a page must be followed by at least two lines of text”. Because it was understood that this was the way things were done.

We all knew that to do otherwise was to totally and absolutely disrupt the flow of the writing. Like hitting a tall brick wall painted with Radioactive Zombies Ahead signs: Halt All Progress. Not to mention leaving all the baby text falling down that next page hill with no one to save it.

I can live with widows. Orphans still make me cringe but publishers are increasing finding them acceptable. But there isn’t even a term for leaving a headline alone at the bottom of the page. I guess we should make one up. Maybe we should call it the “no radioactive zombies” clause of your books style.

So if you are self publishing please keep your book free of this Roadblock error. If you’ve hired a book compositor and they are young-ish; please pass this information along.

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So this is a really great short documentary. No jive!

cosmic debris

Take 15 minutes and go watch it now. Go Now! The link may only work this week; it’s the Documentary of the Week at Shortoftheweek. If you’re at all like me you’ll feel a bit sad, but also all gooshy and warm inside afterwards.

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This post is for everyone who needs of bit of cheer on what is a pretty lousy day.

alice in wonderland 1955 - great rabbit face

Right now I feel quite a bit like the white rabbit in this picture. Time just seems to be getting away from me. I can’t seem to catch up.

J’s health situation is finally resolved, with him being mostly his old self. But I’ve lost so much time and momentum over the last year that I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Sorry to have so shamefully neglected my blog for so very long. I have managed to build up a huge amount of photo/links in pinterest for lots of interesting things. Hope you have been enjoying that in my absence.

So here’s to better times ahead.

Cat Dance

Let’s all do a little cat dance.

snmice4

Or perhaps attend a Grand Moonlight Bug Dance. Let’s all think lovely thoughts.

Hugs,      PamV

 

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Trippy, Funky Video

I am perfectly aware that I’ve been gone far, far too long. Life has been exceedingly crazy here for way too many months. Not crazy in a good way, not in a horrible way, just crazy with things like the flu and other icky health stuff and boring life stuff that takes up too much bloody time.

Things are slowly improving and in the last week or so I’ve been working on a new piece of art. Yes, working on it finally because the deadline is looming and it needs to get done no matter how tired I am.

death_van1

So here is a link to a really wonderful music video by a Dutch band called Death Van that I saw on the Dangerous Minds blog. Reading their post I do agree that it reminds me of the Brothers Quay’s work, but it also reminds me of sequences in the movie MirrorMask. Very cool, very surreal, very low-brow art,  totally love it! So click and watch, several times maybe even.

DeathVan

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Having no imagination (like having no sense of humor) is a dire situation and can lead to terrible consequences. As is the case in today’s book Upright Hilda.

Hilda 1

Poor tightly wound Hilda just couldn’t abide any fun. Enjoying ones self was beneath her dignity.

Hilda 2

No playing, no singing, no silliness. “Only fools stand on their head. Only fools enjoy such a tumble.”

Hilda 3

That attitude persisted in Hilda as she grew. No birds, no swings, no dogs near Hilda’s tree. Look at those poor Hilda-afficted children across the street.

Hilda 4

Even her wedding was a no nonsense affair.

Hilda 5

Of course her own children led very stiff upright fun-free lives.

Hilda 6

Then Hilda became ill and, well . . . she died. No one was very sad “for if in life one cannot gladden. Then in death one cannot sadden.” The book also tells us: “Her husband thinking of the fee, bought a plot just three-by-three.”

Hilda 7

Not shown is a picture showing that the casket is partly built from the signs from “Hilda’s tree”; No Dogs, No Birds, No Swings.

Hilda 8

With Hilda gone, the family learns to enjoy life, playing in the sunshine. Love the Dad with his yo-yo.

Hilda 9

The final irony; Hilda will spend eternity on her head. How mortifying. giggle

So mind this lesson well: A life without imagination is nearly as bad as no life at all.

I picked this up at a library sale (what a shock) while on vacation a few years ago. Yes, even on vacation I will hit library sales. Oh yeah, we really looooove books. Picked this one up because I really liked both the story and the illustration style. Especially the small symbolic splashes of hot pink. These drawings remind me of Edward Gorey, whose work I am extremely fond of (I hit my love limit for this post).

So remember to practice your imagination, you don’t want it to get all rusty or undeveloped. Go enjoy something!

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Imagination is so very powerful and it is a skill that requires practice and should be encouraged. Playing imagination games with simple things that would ordinarily be thrown away is one of the greatest pleasures of childhood. That is what today’s story is all about.

christina katerina Box 1

Christina Katerina & the Box is all about the fact that little children just love cardboard boxes. It begins with a new refrigerator being delivered down the street from Christina’s house. Her mother is all in awe of the new appliance but all Christina can see is the box, which she promptly gloms onto.

christina katerina Box 2

First (with some help from her Dad) she turns it into a castle . . .

christina katerina Box 3

Where she plays happily until her friend in the neighborhood comes home from vacation. Then the box becomes a clubhouse.

cristina katerina Box 4

That lasts for while, then in a disagreement over club procedures her friend sits on the roof and squashes the box.

cristina katerina Box 5

So she makes it into a race car. That lasts until the box finally collapses; but Christina still won’t let her Mother throw away the box.

cristina katerina Box 6

She colors it to make a mansion floor.

cristina katerina Box 7

Where everybody has a grand party. After the party her friend cleans up and the mansion floor gets wet and disintegrates. Raking up the box remains Christina’s Mother is glad that the box adventures are over.

But wait, Christina’s friends Mother just got a new washer and dryer . . .

cristina katerina Box 8

So off they go on an ocean voyage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So I jinxed myself with the last post, all that I’m not updating until something dies.

Well, something died. J’s ipod bit the dust, and I thought no biggie I’ll just pick up a new one.

Rackham tricksy fae

Ha! Turned out to be a biggie; my old, old computer wouldn’t even talk to the new ipod. Called the support-line just in case but the problem was defo sad old computer. So we have a new computer and now I’m doing the data switch-over and also integrating “old saddie” into a network dance. Why keep “old saddie” up and running? Because he has some of my favorite software which is not compatible with “newbie shiny”.

In the immortal words of Emily Litella “It’s always something”.

 

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Today I managed to upgrade the tv box. Now I look like this:

feeling grubby

and I feel like this:

tired dog on deck

and later I will be like this little girl:

Menzel girl asleep on the train

But first I have to get cleaned up and change my library books — they’re due today.

I will deal with the other technically challenged devices at a later date. Probably the day before they become totally obsolete or when they are definitely dead.

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is a cute book in the vein of the Brambley Hedge books. The main difference between the two series is that the Foxwood books include different types of animals living in the community instead of the all mice residents of Brambley Hedge.

foxwood treasure cover

The Foxwood titles were released as small individual titles and then later as two big collections of stories. This is one of the smaller books. I picked it up because I love little anthromorphic animals, what a shocker. The illustrations are really cute and I love the style. Also all the different little animals.

foxwood treasure 1

Like these hedgehogs at the beginning of Treasure. That stone stove is incredible. Take a look at momma hedgehogs prickles sticking through her hat — how precious is that?

foxwood treasure 2

This series definitely came after the Brambley books; proof of that is clearly shown in the jars of jam that are so ubiquitous in the “mouse books”. That aside, the Foxwood books have their own charm and the stories are fun and interesting. The settings are adorable.

Foxwood Treasure starts with Willy the hedgehog being bored and going to visit his grandpa. He and his friends Rue Rabbit and Harvey Mouse are with Grandpa when they find out that the villagers are trying to raise funds to build a village hall. They decide they should do something to help raise money.

foxwood treasure 3

So they go to the library to learn how villagers have made money in the past. I love this library picture! Look at all those little drawers at the base of the shelves. Look at that post and beam construction. A big table to read books at; Wow! If I had a space like this to keep my books in I’d be in heaven.

Anyway back to our story. The kids learn that one of the most successful villagers of the past had an inn where he sold a special lemonade made from his secret recipe.

foxwood treasure 4

So off they go to find and search the (now defunct) old inn. After some adventures, they discover the location of Fox Hall (it was hidden and secret), find the recipe and give it to the village as a whole.

foxwood treasure 5

So they have a party at the newly re-opened Old Fox Inn.

So if you like little animals wearing clothes who live in their own village and are all friends and love to eat, drink and be merry; you should check out this lovely little series of stories/books about the denizens of Foxwood.

 

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A particular passion of mine is little dishes. Children’s or doll’s dishes, pots and pans and all things kitchen. So it makes sense that I also am quite fond of little cookbooks. Like this vintage Little Golden Book:

susies-new-stove-cover

Susie’s New Stove is cute, that’s it just plain cute. My copy is a bit grungy but still cute.

susies-new-stove-1

Susie, who is cute as a button, has just gotten a brand spanky new toy stove — which in those days was a little metal electrical stove that did get very hot and really cook things. Which was a bunch of fun, I had a vintage one of these little stoves when I was little and we had bunches of fun using it. Mine looked more 1920s and stood up on curvy legs.

susies-new-stove-2

Learning to cook is a process, like learning to do anything is. First you put on your apron so that not only do you look good (so important) but so you don’t goop up your clothes.

Then you decide what to make and look up (or ask your mother) what you need to make it. This is my favorite recipe from this book:

susies-new-stove-4

susies-new-stove-5

You’ll notice it’s not so much cooking as heating up things. And that the essential last step is to turn off the stove. We don’t want to leave a hot little thing to accidentally start any fires. Or melt any of our play children.

susies-new-stove-6

This is the table of contents. It is the last page of the book, sort of ironic placement. Which is the menu for Susie’s Daddy’s birthday meal which he says is delicious. (He’s one of those great dads these storybook children always get.) Actually my Dad was pretty happy with all the little things I cooked but I remember mostly making grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup from a can. My stove was big enough to put a small real saucepan over both burners to make a whole can of soup — boo-yah!

susies-new-stove-3

This last picture is Susie and Mike getting ready to cook a real dinner on the real stove. Ha!

Reading over this post it’s pretty obvious that I’m trying fairly desperately to find a way to feel a little cheeriness/happiness in what seems like an increasing wack-a-doo world. This week I chose to think about silly little food. And cute aprons.

So though it was in a totally disjointed awkward way I hope I gave you a moments respite from the real world.

Remember, more silliness over on Pinterest.

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As promised, I tracked down the follow-up book by A Coney Tale author Paul Ratz de Tagyos. Yup, it’s time for Showdown at Lonesome Pellet.

showdown-cover

An old timey western with coneys (rabbits). What could be better?

This book is sillier and funnier than the first one and little kiddies are gonna giggle a lot when you read it to them. OK, the big kiddies too!

showdown-town

First off it’s about these coneys who live in a dusty old west town named, yes you guessed it, Lonesome Pellet. Established in the Pellet Rush days it’s now just a quiet little town. Except for the Pointy Brothers.

showdown-feed-store

As with A Coney Tale a great deal of the charm and humor of this book is in the illustrations. Check out the names of the products at the feed store, my favorite: “We carry Rolinda Moss”. I just love the charges on the wanted posters: Feed Theft, Littering, Smoking, Pushing Coneys, Saying Bad Words, and Being Bad.

showdown-hotel

But then a stranger does appear . . . wearing an entirely peculiar hat. A Radish Hat. Will he save the bullied residents of Lonesome Pellet? How?

Well our stranger, being polite as a proper coney should, visits the sheriff and introduces himself. His name is Saladin and his card has his motto “Have Fur — Will Travel”. Why am I not showing you this? Because this post is image heavy enough already.

showdown-saloon

So let’s go right to the heart of any old west town: the saloon. In this case the Bunny Hop Saloon where our hero Saladin (sans hat) is having a carrot juice at the bar. Again, for me it’s in the details: the newspaper headline says “Archeologists Claim Discovery of Giant Carrot in Old Flanders” and “Feed Poisoning — We Thought They Were Raisins!”. The signage, the carrot tops littering the floor, the card players, the dumpy little stove, even the pink dressed floozie coney are all a delight to me.

showdown-saloon-bar

My favorite bar detail is the carrot juice dispenser. Anyone who’s ever had a cage-living pet has seen this bottle many times. How priceless to put it behind the bar among the bottles and barrels.

showdown-trap

So to reestablish peace, Saladin and the towns folk trap the Pointy Brothers and send them off on the noon train to face justice and jail time.

showdown-sunset

And as in all good westerns our intrepid hero walks off into the sunset.

All and all I’m really glad I tracked down and acquired this book for my collection. Amazon has a number of used copies for reasonable prices so if you liked this you can easily get your own copy.

As my book is signed “See y’all on the ol’ bunny trail”.

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‘Cause if you do I’m about to make your day.

He has a new book in the works. And it’s a poem dear to my heart.

Goblin Market - Omar Rayyan

Yes, indeedy: Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti. It’s on Kickstarter so go back it already!

I can’t remember where I first saw Omar’s work but it was likely either Spectrum or Cricket magazine. I do remember that it was love at first sight. He has a print of Alice and the Griffin playing chess in his Etsy shop that I just love — if only I could find the wall space. Oh, the curse of the itty little house. Ok, so I could likely shoe horn it in somewhere — the large is only 13 x 19 inches, but just now I defo can’t afford it and getting it framed too. It will have to be a “do it later” project for now.

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